liarnjamespayne: in 5th grade they made my class do a seminar thing on drugs and we had to sign an anti-drug pledge and afterwards they gave us these really fancy certificates declaring that we would be drug free forever and i ended up rolling a joint with mine in freshman year so there u go
staybruuutalandsmilee: worst physical pains stepping on a lego stubbing your toe touching a curling iron getting shampoo in your eyes spilling lemon juice on a paper cut getting stabbed 47 times burning your tongue sitting on a hairbrush getting bit by an ant one of these is not like the rest
whorville: I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life
*Wakes up in the middle of the night*
Me: Please don't be 6am
Me: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!
*Shoves face back into pillow*
Don't worry if you don't fit in right now, kids...
penice: alegbra: penice: penice: my wifi adapter is being so shitty i’m gonna kill myself i’m a ghost now is that a bedsheet on your head no i’m a ghost
imperiousness: reyguns: imperiousness: welcome to ohio we have corn motherfucker you wanna talk corn? i moved here from indiana all the best sentences start with ‘motherfucker you wanna talk corn’
mypatronusisyou: instead of banning girls from wearing certain things how about u just ban boys from being thirsty little hoes